Thursday, August 3

Sweetie vs. Ita Mae!

Is it very warm where you are? It has been quite warm, downright hot, even, in our kingdom. The Frog Princess does not enjoy so much the too-hot heat. No. We do not enjoy the stinging sensation of the perspiration in our eyes or even the glow it gives our face. We will be very happy to welcome delicious Fall in a few weeks. With open paws, we will welcome it and also the apples that it brings, which are our favorite. Traveling in the delicious, crispy autumn air is much nicer for the dear Frenchies who are going to their forever homes.

You remember Sweetie, don't you? She will probably be going to her forever home in the fall. She's the lovely girl who got to play for a day or two with a volunteer's daughter. We know you liked that photo, because who wouldn't? Heartless mean people, maybe. No one we'd care to know. Sweetie is living contentedly in her foster home and last week, during the height of the Midwest's heat, her foster family was looking for ways to entertain the dogs, since there was no question of them going outside to frolic in the fainting flowers or otherwise to amuse themselves anywhere but safely indoors.

So, a game of tug of war was proposed! The participants? Lovely pied Ita Mae, who is always and everywhere up for a game of any kind. Also, the newcomer Sweetie, who enjoys a game of tug when the winner gets to keep the remains of a brand new bunny stuffie. And, finally, the ref is very dog savvy Jasper, a cat who has schooled many a foster dog in the interesting and pointy ways of the feline race. Ready?

The contestants face off. The stuffy has been inspected for loose seams, shoddy craftsmanship or other malfunctions that might affect the outcome of the contest. Jasper circles the field, ensuring that no there are no slippery or over-waxed areas of the floor, no potentially stumblesome foreign objects in the official square. The dogs face off. Jasper nods to the announcer on the couch who asks the assembled fans, "Are you ready to rrrrrRRRRRUUUUUUMMMMM-BUUUUUULLLL?" * and strikes his spoon against the side of his iced tea glass. And theeeey're off!

Meeting together, Sweetie and Ita Mae each take the classic opening gambit of an ear apiece. This guarantees the furthest possible distance from the repositioning of the opponent's jaws which can cause an accidental boo-boo, if the jaws are repositioned over the muzzle of the opponent. Ow.

Ear to ear, there is also more leverage. Leverage is a term used by magicians and physicists (same thing, pretty much), and is a term I know only in terms of blackmailing my loyal subjects, but I am assured that leverage also refers to a beneficial stance in tug of war, and is a good thing to have lots of. Also good when negotiating extra biscuits, should readers be interested. But, oh, yes, the game.

Ear and ear, the contest opens! For fully 45 seconds, the ears hold up to mighty tugs and oomphish haulings of the lady tuggers! Jasper retreats to a safer distance and watches intently for any signs of unfair advantage taking or cheating. The fans cheer, weakly, as befits their heat-drained energy levels. And who is the victor? Who is the winner of the game? Why, it's Ita Mae, of course. The home fans exult mildly. Sweetie gets a cookie. More iced tea is consumed and the fan is repositioned.

Summer. Feh. It is all too, too much for us and we intend to spend the rest of the day half-submerged in our darling pond. If you like, you could select one of our sweltering fosters to supply with a wading pool by clicking on the PayPal button. You can make a note saying you got the idea from
The Frog Princess

*Ha! See what we did there? Rumm-bull? We play with words for you, our dear readers, but we amuse ourselves, too. Heh.


Anonymous said...

Dear FP,

You're a hoot. I just read some of your blogs at work and I was giggling out loud. Now, I'm an advertising writer who swells with ego and self-regard when my writings get someone to laugh, so I know from funny. You should apply for a head writer's job at a prestigious dog-friendly agency. Surely you would be ensconced in an airy corner office with a rotund paycheck in no time. Thanks for the giggles.

Anonymous said...

Patti annoyed now. Wants a darling pond. Thanks alot.

Anonymous said...

Everyone in the cafe is looking in my direction, mildly alarmed. There are tears streaming down my face. The calibre of your writing is a credit to the blogging genre. Have you ever considered putting these together as a rescue story? or a Frenchie anthology? Might make a great fundraiser. (Seriously - you're writing is fantastic. One of my clients works in independant publishing, so if you want to bounce some ideas around, lemme know)