Lulu Demonstrates

For those of our dear Frenchies whose selfish and thoughtless people are temporarily elsewhere or otherwise occupied, FBRN graduate Lulu demonstrates the proper form for a self-administered backrub.


1. Warm the muscles with a lengthy period of stretching on sunny pavement. Add sound effects as desired.










2. Begin the scratching with gentle squirming motions against an outcropping, such as a stone in the lawn or a projecting board from a fence or a cement stair. As the itchy spot moves to other areas of the neck and shoulders,








3. Roll onto the back and thoroughly scour the spine and shoulder region with energetic wriggling and writhing movements. Be sure to move into an open area so as not to interrupt the scratching session by encountering any obstacle. Wriggle and writhe with vigor and be sure to kick out the back legs until the heart rate's target zone is reached. Wriggling and writhing should be accompanied by snorting and blowing.

Lulu points out that the entire experience is enhanced if something 2 days dead can be found to add an aromatherapy element to the exercise.






4. Finally, for the cool down portion of the autonomous back scratch, be sure to roll slowly from side to side, heaving and blowing in a walrus or grampus fashion, bedewing all those who might stumble into view with a fine Frenchie mist. If one's person should unexpectedly appear whilst one is scratching one's own back, it is best to appear to be having a fit of some kind, so as to keep secret one's ability to scratch one's own itchy spot.

Lulu would like to stress that a self-administered back scratch should be undertaken only as a last resort. If her selfish and thoughtless people get the idea that a Frenchie can scratch her own back, it is possible that some back scratching will be withheld. This is an unthinkable state of affairs. Back scratches are a right, not a privilege, in Lulu's view.

And a sensible and right-thinking point of view it is, agrees
The Frog Princess